Sometimes I think I'm alone in my struggle, like I'm the only person in the whole world who can't balance everything that I need to do with everything that I want to do. I find myself wishing for more hours in the day and more energy for all the things that I want to take on. Or maybe I need a little less sleep at night. Sometimes I feel like life is beyond my control and that I just need to hold my breath and wait for that magical period when everything will finally stabilize.
I've been thinking a lot about my struggle with balance recently because of some significant transitions in my life right now, and I'm definitely feeling rather "unbalanced." If you haven't noticed, I've been a bad blogger lately, and I'm behind on so many of my friends' blogs. I have a growing stack of "to read" books, and my own novel has been sitting untouched for a few weeks. I'm also still trying to settle on a good exercise routine that fits in with my new schedule.
As I've been contemplating my struggle with balance, I've come to a few conclusions. First of all, I need to cut myself some slack. I'm only human, and in all likelihood, this will be an ongoing struggle. There probably won't come a time when I magically figure how to balance everything in my life. And that's OK. I'll keep trying to do my best, but I'll give myself a break when I fail.
Secondly, I want to focus on balancing those things that most important to me. Unfortunately, there are only twenty-four hours a day, and I still need several of those to sleep at night. I really can only do so much. It's overwhelming to pursue every single interest and passion, so I'm going to try to identify those things that are most important to me and figure out how to fit them into my life. That way, even if I can't do everything, I'll be thankful for everything I actually can accomplish.
Thirdly, I need to be flexible and willing to adjust my expectations and goals. Since I'm back at work full-time now, it's not always possible for me to read a book every week, and I adjusted my goals so that they're doable for me. Similarly, I decided to put my novel on the back burner. Jordan and I just received our wedding photos (and they're swoon-worthy!), and I'm busy writing my Weddingbee recaps. For those of you who've been through the recapping process, I'm sure you can relate to how time-consuming it is. Between this blog and my recaps, I think a third major writing project is too much. So I'm tabling it for now. And I hope that by prioritizing my recaps, I'll actually be more efficient with each project since I'm not stretching myself between them all.
And finally, I want to give myself permission to let things go. This goes hand-in-hand with my second realization; as I focus on those things that are really important to me, I necessarily have to let other interests go. I still have big dreams that I'll one day be able to teach myself how to design an amazing webpage for my blog or learn how to take breathtaking photos. But for right now, I'm letting those interests go, and that's OK. It may not be forever and knowing that helps me. I just know that if I want to live a fulfilling life and have any chance of balancing everything in it, I have to be willing to put some dreams back on the shelf.
What about you? Have you ever struggled to find balance in your life? What strategies do you use when trying to balance all of your responsibilities, commitments, and interests? If you have any tips, I'd love to hear them! I still have so much more to learn.
Good luck finding balance! I have to admit, as soon as our photographer uploaded pictures I was busy writing those recaps because I didn't want to be one of those bees that delayed it to the point of never finishing it. Can't wait to read more about your wedding day!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Lauren! Like you, I've already started cranking out recaps almost as soon as those pictures were in my hands (I actually started before because they were all uploaded to an online slide show first, but I couldn't actually insert any into my posts quite yet). I can't wait till they start going live on WB, but I'm determined to wait until they're all finished. I do not want to drop off in the middle of recapping - I want to post regularly and finish out strong!
DeleteI saw this video interview a while back with some researchers at UPenn's Happiness Project that found that women who were the happiest and most successful actually were unbalanced, in the sense that they, like you say, pursued the things that interested them and let other things go. So a really happy female scientist might have poured herself into her research and career and forgot about learning how to cook or to be on the PTA, or a really happy housewife might have given up her career and has a welcoming home for her community, etc. I think society puts a lot of pressure on women to be everything, instead of being ourselves intensely, and it can mess us up a lot. (A really good book I read about over-achieving women and eating disorders by a journalist named Courtney E. Martin has a perfect title that describes the problem: Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters.) Maybe feeling balanced inside might mean your external activities tipping decidedly one way over the other. I know for myself I feel a lot more at peace after I've made a decision and got everything lined up, rather than when I'm choosing between a lot of different options or following a rhythm that isn't my own.
ReplyDeleteMy strategy: listen to yourself. Make space in your life, even bluntly and arbitrarily, to take time to reflect on what you're actually doing with your time, and what that says about what's actually important to you and what's not, and adjust your priorities accordingly. You'll be a lot more satisfied, and feel a lot less guilty, if your expectations are in line with who you are. I also rely on iCal, eat oatmeal every morning, and am building routines into my life like grocery shopping on Saturdays, which I signify in symbolic ways to keep me interested by getting a new bunch of fresh flowers as well.
Great post! I look forward to your posts. :)
Thank you so much for this amazing comment, Laura! I resonate so much with what you said. And that is so true about being happiest when we are unbalanced. I've recently come to terms with the fact that I am a lousy, dispassionate cook, and that's OK. I also will probably never be a totally stay-at-home housewife or mom. I agree that there is often so much pressure on us to do it all, and letting go is so important. And I love your idea about building routines into your daily life. I am striving to be better at that, and it's helping so much! Knowing that my time is precious and should go toward specific things/tasks makes it so much more valuable. And I feel so much more productive!
DeleteBalance is such a hard thing. I just imagine this big pair of scales and all of these things piled on both sides. If you try to balance everything, the whole things collapse. Sometimes that is just the way it is, you can't find balance unless you take some of the things off the scales. I like your tenets of balance, remember your human, prioritize, be flexible in your goals and allow yourself to let some things go. Good luck to finding balance, and good luck with the recaps! I will be sure to follow those as well.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a good metaphor! I've definitely come to terms with the fact that I have to take a few things off the scale for now, especially if I want to be successful with those things that I am truly passionate about. Thanks for helping me put things in perspective! I'm feeling so much better already. :)
Deleteummm, YES. balance is next to impossible for me but i definitely try. it comes down to realizing you can't ever do everything & you just have to figure out which things are gonna go undone. it just happens & life goes on!
ReplyDeleteOh, I am so glad I'm not the only one! And you are so right - we cannot do everything, and part of the task is figuring out what to let go and giving ourselves permission to do just that.
Delete